Turn and turn again

I have been in a teaching position in my church for some time now. I have had the pleasure of sharing my beliefs with the children in my church and have enjoyed the time I have been able to spend with them. Of late though, I have been feeling that perhaps it is time for me to relinquish my calling. Perhaps it is the stresses that I have in my life outside of my calling. Perhaps in my efforts to become more open about my feelings with others I am losing the ability to compartmentalize and keep my frustrations and disappointments in check. I don't know...and I must say that indecision, though it has ever been a companion of mine, is none the less a very annoying thing.

...but enough of this silliness. Today, I don my pistola to better familiarize myself with it's presence. I had hoped to get out and put 50 slow, yet (hopefully) well placed rounds down range today but alas, tis not to be. I have damaged my target frame prior to this to such a degree as to render it unusable. I must conceive of a machination to repair it or construct a new device to take it's place. Yes, yes, I know. Woe be unto to me and my insignificant tribulations. I would like to ask that if either of my two readers happens to be in possession of an ingenious (and cheap) target stand, if you could forward to me said designs I would be deeply indebted to you.

Now, having feed my son, got my daughter on the bus (having ensured both are dressed and presentable), emptied and loaded the dishwasher and hand-washed those items that could not go in. I must find further engagements beyond those pleasant moments spent spewing forth my mental musings. I bid you good day 'till we meet again. :)

...and now for something completely different.

Well, I started my guitar lessons this last week. I have to admit that my first impression of the instructor (before I knew who he was) wasn't that great. Once the lesson began though I was pleased to see him assess some of my weaknesses in my playing and begin giving instructions for improvement. I am pretty sure I underwhelmed him as I was somewhat on the spot when he asked me to "play a song". I sort of drew a blank because he didn't request something a little more specific. I think though, as the lesson continued, that I showed more of my skills. I am hoping to make some good to great improvements on my abilities as a guitar player during this semester.

On another front, I am going to get ready to begin competitive pistol shooting. I plan on having my first match sometime in the spring. What this means to the two of you who are readings this is that I will be updating on things I find have helped (or hurt) my performance and possibly some gear reviews as I find I might need to change my equipment (or can afford new equipment).

Thoughts on Time

Well, today I turn 40. I honestly never imagined that I would ever be this old. I was sure that I would have been killed or died by now or that the world would have come to an end amidst a new forest of nuclear mushrooms. ...but here I am. I have two of the most beautiful children in the world who I love more than life itself. I have been blessed with the companionship of a amazing woman for the last 16 years. I still have my hair (most of it anyway) and little to no grey in the beard (it's blond, not grey). My life has changed much from the idealistic fantasy that I pictured as a youth. My roads have been smooth as ice, rough as gravel and missing at times like a jungle path but still I have traveled it.

To those of you who have shared my life with me, be it in large or small part, I say to you thank you. Thank you for the experiences you have shared with me and given to me. Thank you for shaping me with you criticisms, praises, suggestions, advice, examples good and bad. I know that had my path been different I would not be the man I am today. I would not cherish the things I do.

So....from this anniversary, for me personally today, I turn to one on a larger scale.

Ten years ago I was working at a manufacturing plant in Chicago not too far from O'Hare installing some machinery. A employee of the company came in the room and began telling one of her co-workers that someone had just attacked the WTC. I thought she was playing a prank on her friend until the management of the building came on the PA and called everyone together. They announced that they were sending everyone home in one hour. I returned to my hotel just north of O'Hare and that's when things got weird for me. I had worked around aircraft for a long time. When I walked outside of my hotel and looked up though, there were no planes. If you have ever been near a major airport like O'Hare, you can understand just how very strange this is to have no airplanes turning their engines up or landing and taking off. I think even the birds were confused by the lack of aircraft. Life changed again that day. Another bump in the road that I have gotten used to. Next stop...unknown.

Enough already!

OK all you doom and gloom seekers. Sorry to disappoint but I am going to write something different this time.
So today I was playing with my kids. At first my daughter wanted to play house and she starts it off with a tea party. Sounds normal enough, right? Fist thing she says is that the "tea" is really a potion to turn her into a dragon. To really spice it up the "tea" she gives me is supposed to make me so I can't move. While we are getting ready to partake of said repast, her brother comes down and joins the game by saying he is making a potion as well. His potion is supposed to make me "stinky". Sister ups the ante though by changing her potion to one that changes her to a monster that her brother then has to help cure by administering another potion to correct her problem. My kids are great at taking a innocent play activity like the traditional tea party and turning it into a roller coaster ride of thrills and horrible monsters that are really nice but just want to help out.

ksl.com - LIFEadvice: The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice

ksl.com - LIFEadvice: The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice

Alternate Realities

Feeling anguish for pains not inflicted. Sorrow for actions that never were. Fear for roads not yet taken. Trepidation of futures unforeseen. Trying to focus on smiles of now. Hold tight to the laughter of today. Collect the sparkle in the eye of my daughter, the mirth of my son's grin. Savour the minutes surrounded in love and build a shield with warm memories to block out the cold void and it's fathomless pains. Restoring my reserve of happiness through the joys of simply playing with my innocent angels. Looking for the peace of heart, that far greener haven that I somehow wandered away from to find myself wandering in a vast gloomy wilderness. Catching glimpses of that place, shining through the cracks between leaves and peeking out through the veiling brambles.

When you've lost a rudder chain....

Finding yourself lost at sea with a broken rudder chain is a bad thing. Finding yourself in a doldrums, where you can fill your sails with more wind than Mother Nature is sharing is bad. Now, imagine if you will, being stuck in a doldrums so you amble over to the ships library to find something to read. As your gaze falls upon the shelf you find yourself staring at the solitary book on the shelf. Opening it's pages you start to read of a sailing adventure, one with high hopes of grand challenges and fabulous glories to be had. Falling deeper into the reading you find the story takes a turn when the rudder chain breaks and the ship becomes stranded in the open waters circling until all souls aboar are lost to starvation and insanity. Drifting alone on the bright open blue waters, waiting for the winds to once again spring into life and grant you movement again you think to yourself, "glad that couldn't happen to me". The niggling doubt however fills your mind until you surrender and head below, just to be sure "once and for all". Imagine your sudden seizure of panic and horror when you find your rudder chain has broken as well.

Sometimes, trying to learn about a disaster in order to prepare for it is the wrong thing to do. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.